Welcome to the first installment of Sober Sounds, where we’ll profile emerging sober musicians and talk to them about all things creativity and sobriety! We’re thrilled to kick things off with Pomi, a San Jose-based rapper who grew up in the beach town of Pacifica, California.
Pomi (Product of My Insanity) makes heartfelt, refreshingly honest music that speaks to anyone who’s dealt with struggles in addiction, or just struggles in general, is looking for motivation to pull them out of a bad mood — or just wants to accentuate a good one. In other words, Pomi’s music is for everybody. It’s infectious, moody, and uplifting all at the same time.
Club Soda is honored to share this deeply personal and inspiring conversation with Pomi. Check him out on Spotify/Apple/Soundcloud/Youtube, at pomimusic.com, and on Instagram @pomimusic!
CLUB SODA:
Have you always been a creative person? And if so, what was that like before your sobriety? How did sobriety change or improve your creative process?
POMI:
I was definitely a creative person growing up. I started playing drums when I was six. And I played in a band all the way through my addiction. I’ve been writing lyrics since I was like, twelve. But in addiction, it was so coated with me needing to get high and get drunk that I didn’t really get to experience it for what it was. I was playing in a band, and I was practicing, and we were playing shows and people loved how we sounded. But I was just in my head all the time. Like, where do I get the next drink? When can I do my next line of coke?
CS:
So you weren’t really present for it?
P: Yeah, just completely not present for it. And it just got put on the backburner. Running from my problems and escaping my head was so much more important than being creative. And so I didn’t really get to experience it to the full extent. And then as far as rap and writing lyrics goes, I was so scared of judgment in my addiction, that I didn’t even get to share that with anyone. Even when I was a month, two months, three months sober, I was so anxious. I feel like sobriety has given me the opportunity to share this with the world. I had this moment where I’m like, Okay, I’m either going to try to do something with these lyrics, because they mean a lot to me. And I want to put them out there. Or it’s just going to kind of die a pipe dream, and I’m never going to touch it again. And I actually have a really depressing, but kinda heartwarming story about putting out my first project early in sobriety.
I was like, maybe I should do something with these lyrics. And I was really, really suicidal. In my first year to year and a half in sobriety, all I would think about is just, sobriety is not worth it. Nothing in this world is worth the pain that I’m experiencing right now. There’s no level of joy in the here and now or future that’s going to be worth me staying around. But the other thing that was on my mind during that time, is, I just got to put out some lyrics. I’ve just been wanting to do this for like, eight years, I have to put something out. So I call my friend I used to play in a band with and I was like, “look, help me make this little EP, this little four-song project. I have some stuff I really want to talk about. And I just need you to help me make this.”
The entire time through making that I was really miserable. I don’t know how people in their first year feel happy. That was not me, ever. I basically entered my first music project like, life is not worth living. And I want to and need to kill myself. But let me put out this project first because I feel like I have something to say. I just need to have this be out. And that’s the last thing that I need to do with my life. And then I can go. And when I put out the project, the next thought was, Well, I kind of want to write another song. And that was the beginning of me not wanting to take my life, because I was just like, well, I got more stuff I want to say. And then I was like, well, actually, I kind of want to play shows. And that’s literally how I carried myself into living better, and being happy. I put out the project. And I was like, I still got more I want to make. And my love for music and sharing that with the world kind of grew.
CS:
It’s so ironic that that was your plan. It’s like, okay, I’m done. But I have one little light shining, and then I’m really going to be done. And then that’s what helps you climb out of it. Of course, that was the way out, but you can’t see it at the time.
P:
When I first started playing shows, I was so clueless. Right before the COVID lockdown, I was like, I’m gonna throw my first show. I rented out the biggest room at the Pacifica Community Center. I found a friend I could borrow a sound system from. I created an Eventbrite page. And I was like, Okay, we’re gonna figure out how to throw the show. I have no idea what I’m doing. I’m scared. But hopefully, this works out. So I print a merch line. And we sell a bunch of tickets. And people start coming in, like 10, 20, 30 people and I’m like, Oh, shit. And I probably spent like $900, between printing a merch line, buying food to sell, and renting out the room. And then my friend starts doing some opening performing acts. I’m like, Okay, this is pretty cool. By the time I start, there’s 80 people in there. And a bunch of friends from high school, a bunch of people from the program who helped me get sober. My mom’s there, my family. And we throw the most amazing show I’ve ever done. I remember playing this one song, and seeing this girl that I knew sing the lyrics. Oh my god. You ever take like a panoramic picture on your iPhone? It’s like my vision does that. And there’s two, three, four, five people singing it and I’m like, No way.
CS:
Your first show?!
P:
I played acoustic ones before, but this was the first real one. And just as the cherry on top, I spent eight or $900 on the show. And I left with like twelve or $1,300 cash. And we put like 30 people in this hotel room that we got kicked out of in like ten minutes, and it was just a super fun night.
CS:
That’s a legit rockstar night from start to finish!
P:
I remember feeling two things that night. One, I feel a lot when I play shows, but it was like, I was standing in front of this twelve-year-old me who was depressed and anxious and starting to drink, and who really just wanted to write and perform rap. And that kid that night was looking at me, and he was like, You’re the guy I want to be. And that was just the craziest feeling ever. Two, it was the first time that I really believed I could do this. I was like, Oh, this is possible. Before that, I was just kind of making music. And, you know, maybe we’ll see where it goes. But after that show, I’m like, this is possible for me to do if I put the work in.
CS:
That is incredible. And so inspiring. And the sobriety aspect is not lost on me. I noticed that there are heavy themes of sobriety (in your music), in songs like “Dreamin” and “Replace Me.” Many sober artists don’t lead with their addiction story, or showcase recovery in their lyrics. Since it’s such a central theme in your work, why is it so important to you to speak about that publicly?
P:
I’m passionate about speaking about it because it’s not something I ever thought I could have. I never thought change was possible. In my addiction, I never, ever would have believed I’d be able to get sober, stay sober, and live a life of sobriety. And everything that comes with it. So it’s really important for me to let people know that it’s possible. And in not a totally straightforward way. But to show them, look, something I could never even dream of became possible. So anything that anyone dreams of, has to be a cakewalk.
When I came into recovery, I was six feet tall, 120 pounds, skin and bones, on probation, Mom wouldn’t allow me in the house. She told me I was a danger to my little sister. I’m sure if I sat with a doctor and told them the things I’ve done, they’d be like, “you defied science.” Like, the fact that I can even finish sentences today and have a conversation just shouldn’t be real. I want to use that as a point to tell people that literally anything is possible. Whether that’s sobriety, whether that’s pursuing a passion, whether that’s something that you want to get good at. I use my sobriety as an example of the impossible happening. I never thought I could be happy and content and peaceful and serene, even only at certain moments. And the fact that that’s happened is a life-changing revelation. At least for me.
CS:
You’re showing that life can be so much bigger than what we believe. What I take from your story is that we have really limited ideas of who we are and what we can do. It seems like your sobriety has caused a huge breakthrough with that, where it’s just opened up whole new worlds of possibility.
P:
Sobriety opened the door for me to believe that and understand that. I use my experience to hopefully open the door for other people, because like you were just saying, we put limits on ourselves. My biggest pet peeve in the world is like, “You can’t” or “I can’t.” Don’t ever say that shit around me. I literally don’t want to hear it. Because my mentality was the only thing that was limiting me. I have yet to come across anything in life where there was somebody else, or something else, stopping me from doing it. It’s always me, I’m just in my own way.
CS:
I love talking to people that have come to that conclusion, because it really does change everything. And just to delve a little deeper into that, how has your music and creativity in general been a part of you healing from your past in addiction?
P:
Oh, I love this question. To heal from anything, whether that’s mental illness, or physical illness or addiction, we get a set of tools. I got a set of tools that helped me heal from that. That’s like, friends that keep me in check. That’s going to meetings, being honest with other people, maybe having a therapist too. Sobriety has given me the ability to become level-headed. But being creative, and sharing what I’ve learned through sobriety, is what I do with my better life now, if that makes sense. Recovering from addiction gave me the platform to experience, create and share. And by doing what I love, I’m now using the gift of sobriety to connect with others. Sobriety gave me the opportunity to be creative and use it for good purpose. Because I can just get sober and just keep it all to myself. Like, I have a great life, I got a lot of things going on for me, I can just sit down and enjoy my life and not share it with anyone else. But the reason why I like my music and sharing that and creating and that it’s so important to my sobriety is because it’s what I use my sobriety for. What good is my better life and my sober life, if I’m not paying it forward? The betterment of my life is only as valuable as I share with others. It’s my way of giving the life that I’ve been given away. And that’s part of recovery.
CS:
I think alcohol is such a contributor to anxiety and isn’t good for art. But culturally, it’s instilled in us that that’s just the “tortured artist.” I found it inspiring hearing you say that when you were using, that’s when you were in your head about it. And then when you’re not using, you have the balls to actually go through with it. I wonder if you have any comment on this.
P:
I can’t really sit in front of you and say that I was a fearless person when I first started doing this. I attribute probably most of what was perceived as confidence in the beginning, just being brain dead enough to like, just do it.
Probably the most important thing to me in my sobriety is my best friend Ally Stevens. We met while we were both still trying to get sober. One of us would relapse, and then we’d help out the other one, and somebody would drag the other one to a meeting. And then we’d put like, another month together, and somebody else would relapse. We started our sobriety journey together. She’s the one that pushed me to finally start making music and putting it out there. All I did, for my first year and a half, was walk around San Francisco, with no job going from meeting to meeting, and just talking about how terrible I felt with her, and she never, ever told me, “Oh, you shouldn’t go get high,” or, “you shouldn’t kill yourself.” The reason I’m sober today is because when I said those things, she just said, “Me, too.” She never ever told me not to do it. I was like, “I want to kill myself.” And she was like, “Me, too.” And I was like, “Awesome, let’s go for a walk.” Then she pushed me to get into music. She was at that show at the community center. She was even up on stage with me. This was my best friend in the whole fucking world. And in 2020 on June 19, she passed away.
There’s not a doubt in my mind that she is one of the main components of why I’m sober today. And why I’m doing what I’m doing. It’s mind blowing just looking back on it, how she’s just such an angel that was here doing the perfect thing for the perfect amount of time. And then left, you know, like, when it was time to go. I like to think that we all have jobs here. And we go when the job is done, and nobody really knows what their job is. I got asked to speak on Zoom at her favorite meeting on a Friday. And this was like a Monday. And my friend was like, “Oh, can you speak on Friday?” I’m like, “Oh, Ally’s favorite meeting, for sure.” Friday morning, she passed away. I was on the phone with my mom, my dad, my sponsor, all these people calling them and then it came across my mind: Holy fuck, I’m speaking at her favorite meeting tonight. I’ve had so many experiences like that after her passing. A very big reason why I’m making music today is for her.
CS:
That’s so cool. I read about her in your bio. And so I’m glad we talked about her. Switching gears a bit, I wanted to know what goals you’ve set for yourself as a musician in this new chapter of your life. Which ones have you exceeded, and which ones are you still working towards?
P:
I don’t want to sound super cheesy, but after that first show, that’s all I really needed, as far as like, emotional achievements. Like, the kid that was once depressed and in addiction, I have now made proud. That’s amazing. And I am able to affect people that I love and care about and even ones that I don’t know, positively with music. I would like to show up in as many situations as possible, and share my story in a way that’s going to positively affect other people, whether that’s a song for them to relate to, a song for them to dance and nod their head to, or a song that means something to them, or just makes them feel good. That’s what I want. And I’ve got it, and I hope to continue to get it. That’s where I try to pull most of my gratitude from because I know that’s the most meaningful place. Although, a dream of mine that I’ve been talking about for years is that I would like to play Shoreline Amphitheater in Mountain View, sold out at 20,000 people. That’s the one like, materialistic thing that I really want. I’ve held on to that. We’re gonna make that happen at some point, someday, as long as I take the next right step and do the next right thing. But yeah, I just hope to affect people in a positive way around me, and carry the message that has been carried to me.
CS:
I love that, because you’re already doing that. A lot of times when I talk to my friends who are musicians, they can’t enjoy it, because they’re comparing themselves to other people that are having some milestones of success that they don’t feel they have. And so they’re already creating from this place of lack. They’re not fully in their flow. I feel like the best place to create from is when you have the knowledge that you already are where you’re supposed to be, you’re in the perfect place at all times, doing what you need to do, and not like, “Oh, I haven’t done X, Y, and Z, it’s not good enough.” That’s just a really scary place to create from.
P:
Yeah, and a lot of it comes from my sobriety, too. I mean, I can form a whole sentence today, and my heart is beating. So like, I’m kind of asking for too much already. I try my absolute hardest to, as much of the time, and it’s not all the time, just sit in gratitude. Like, I am just so happy that even right now, I get to be on an interview for Club Soda, which is so badass. And talking about my journey with sobriety, how it affects the people around me, and what I get to continue to do with it. That is so ridiculously amazing. I can’t even comprehend. The more I remind myself of where I came from, and the person I was, and the person I get to be and the people I get to surround myself with, and the story I get to share, it’s absolutely priceless. I can guarantee that when I play Shoreline Amphitheater at 20,000, I will look back on things like this, or moments where I sat here in my living room and created music with my friends in sobriety. And that will be more important to me. I’ll get a little “high” that weekend, whatever, but this kind of stuff will be way more important because of the unbelievable fact that I get to be here, doing what I’m doing. I’m in the bonus round already.
CS:
Right, there are already miracles happening every day and you get to appreciate life. I love talking about it with sober people, because it’s just like, “I’m already here now. And that’s enough.” And the bonus of that is that the creative work is better because it’s coming from this pure place of real joy of being alive. That’s really hard to explain, but I’m glad we’re talking about it, because it needs to be talked about.
P:
There’s a couple of songs in my catalog that kind of go along that path. There’s a song “Tree Frog” that I wrote about the first time I really felt like I could enjoy who I am and love myself a little bit more. I remember the first time in rehab where I looked in the mirror. And for the last 18 years, this had never happened. But I looked in the mirror and I was like, You know what, maybe I can kind of learn how to like that man. It wasn’t like I love myself or I like myself, I was like, Maybe I have a chance. But all those songs and especially “Dreaming,” it’s like, I really do have everything I ever dreamed of.The easiest example for me in my head is just that inner child, you know, that twelve year-old boy who is anxious, depressed, and approaching alcoholism and drug addiction. If he could stand next to me today? I would be like the man to him. He would look at me and not be like, “Oh, I wish you had that. Or you should be better at this, or you should be better at that.” He would look at me today in absolute perfection. If I can just look at myself in that same absolute perfection and enjoy my life, then I can truly be pretty happy every day.
CS:
It’s so simple. And so true. I noticed Mac Miller is a big influence on you. I’m curious about some of your other musical influences or creative influences in general. And you can also talk about why he’s such a big influence too, if you want to elaborate on that.
P:
Yeah, Mac, I mean, I just fell in love with his music and his journey as a musician. It’s so amazing because he started out with this, like, college kid, frat rap music. And then he got very rich and famous off of it and has a series of albums and mixtapes where it’s him locked in his basement strung out making music. Then he has all this music coming out of that place a little bit more. He just struggled and ended up relapsing and dying. There’s this mixtape called Faces. If you sit down and take an hour or something to listen to it front and back, you can just feel the insanity in his music. He sounds so lost. And part of it is I romanticize that, part of it is he really was able to articulate the type of confusion and pain that I felt in my own life.
Somebody else I look up to is Lil Peep, who created because of his ability to throw every vulnerable part of himself out there. That’s what I try to do with my music to a certain extent. It’s insanely admirable that you can just be so honest, so open and so vulnerable, and just overly emotional. Because that’s the type of music that really affects other people.
One of my biggest influences is my dad. We had a lot of trouble when I was younger. Partially some of his stuff and partially some of my stuff. When I look back on the things that he did for me, which I thought were terrible when I was a teenager, like, that man gave me such a good recipe to live my life by. And if I can even do half of that with my kids, I will be so happy. I mean, he has his faults, he has his character defects. But he put me in drum lessons when I was six. I absolutely wouldn’t be doing what I’m doing without him. The man that he’s taught me to be is amazing.
CS:
What message would you like to pass along to newly sober creatives, looking to make their mark on the world?
P:
If you’re newly sober, just drink a lot of Red Bull, eat a lot of candy, eat a lot of Chik Fil-A and In-n-Out, it’ll be really good for you. Stick around the people that are loving you and taking care of you. Let people drive you to places, buy you things, take care of you. Be open, cry a lot, be angry, whatever. Just feel all the emotions that you feel coming into this life. Lose the fear of judgment, just really embody what it feels like to recover from a serious, serious disease. And then channel all that into whatever your outlet is. Maybe that’s fashion, maybe that’s music, maybe that’s podcasting. Maybe that’s just a career that you really enjoy. Like, maybe you’re a counselor, maybe you’re a therapist, but let yourself feel all the emotion that you feel coming into this new life, and find a place where you can channel it in a positive way. Look at things that maybe you’ve done when you were a kid that you really enjoy. Maybe just start with physical activity.
The biggest piece of advice I can give to anyone who’s new in sobriety and a creative is that, as creatives we already feel a lot of emotions, because we express them, that’s like our job. But coming into sobriety, that’s kind of like 100x. So, put your seatbelt on, feel that emotion, and figure out a place where you can channel that, and tell the truth and share it with the world and understand the value of your experience. Sobriety or recovery from any mental illness is not easy. Whether that’s depression, anxiety, codependence, bipolar, whatever, it’s really rough. Understand that because you’re going through that, or you went through that, you have a lot to bring into this world. I am of the practice of just overvaluing everyone. Your experience is so valuable, so share it as much as you can. And be honest and be open and when you’re scared, when you’re fearful, when you’re sad, when hard emotions come up, just fall into the people that love you and express yourself in the most extreme way that you possibly can. Like on my early tracks, being viciously vulgar about how I felt in early sobriety. If my mom comes to one of the shows, I will kind of avoid playing some of them. Just because they’re so out there. It’s me being really honest about my experience. But it’s important to do that. So just express yourself, overvalue yourself, let everyone love you and just trudge the road of happy destiny.